Now What?

So, I’m very pensive at the moment. And I don’t know what caused this. Maybe it’s a couple of things that went down during the weekend, maybe it’s the impending end of my NYSC, and the official start of my adult life, or maybe it’s just a very random mood swing I’m experiencing, or maybe it’s even the really tight shoes I’m wearing that’s stopping the flow of happy hormones to my head. I don’t know.

All I know is, I’m not very happy. There really isn’t that much to be UNHAPPY about, but I’m not really happy nonetheless.

So, D stops work this week, which means I’ve officially lost my good, free ride to work. That upset me more than it should have, and I’ve been thinking of a better way to get to work on time that doesn’t involve waking up at 4.45am to catch the staff bus, or entering hot public transport. Yeah, a car one again, has never looked so good. And what’s going to happen to our wild drive-home conversations???

There were also plans to move in with a friend come September, which would have been so good for me, cos it would have meant a shorter distance to work, AND a shot at independence. But a  couple of things are getting in the way, like parents who don’t know how to let go, and finances.

Also, D abandoned me today to go somewhere, so I have to take the staff bus home. Sigh. It’s already feeling like I have no ride, and it’s miserable. To add to my discontent, we still have a bloody rat at home, and I’m not in a hurry to go there.

Then, there was something that happened in the past 48 hours that I’ve been running over and over in my head. I’ve been accused of thinking too hard about things, and maybe I do. But I can’t help it. I have too many things in my life that I already regret doing, I don’t need to add a lot more to prove a point to anybody. Unfortunately, I still seem to be a victim of my own stupid choices. So, when it comes down to it, the question is, do I STOP thinking things through so much, and throw a little caution to the wind, or keep this foolishness up?

I’m just neither here or there, right now. I’m unhappy. I need something new and refreshing to happen. And it’s really annoying.

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