Moving On?

I wasn’t going to share too much about this. But I think I need the objective opinion of an un-biased third party.

In my last post I mentioned I’d found a place. And I really have. It’s not too far from where I currently stay during the week. In fact, it’s even closer to where I get my staff bus, but from another side. The friend that helped me find it, a classmate from school was able to get it at an amazingly affordable price, and we’re supposed to be roomies.

Honestly, I didn’t plan to move till next year Jan (my 21st) or so. But I guess I could hold it till then. So, last night I launched the idea to my mother. I’ve done something similar recently, when Kitty was getting a place, and she was all up for it then, so I didn’t expect the reply she gave me.

“Your father won’t have it”

I won’t say all she said, but she gave reasons and excuses ranging from the timing to me following peer pressure (??!) to safety to the classic: it’s not right for a chick to stay alone when she’s not abroad or married.

My jaw dropped. I couldn’t believe it. Times are changing, by God, and I won’t be held hostage by an old way of thinking. Besides, I won’t be ALONE, I’ll be living with someone. I was too shocked by her reaction to put up a more intelligent argument. She said I should wait. I said I was planning to wait till next year, and she said it was STILL too soon. That I was thinking like a guy.

Come next year, I’ll probably hear the some story. And by then, I won’t have this opportunity. It’s ridiculous. There’s no harm in it. And I don’t think anyone I know sees it either. I live at Agbara, for goodness sake, and it’s FAR. Where I stay during the week, Anthony, is way too small to make sense. Besides, this way, I’m out of everyone’s hair (and vise versa), and there’s more room for my sis. I don’t really eat at Anthony cos I leave by 5.45 every morning and get back past 9. So basically all I do is sleep and bathe. Nothing to miss there.

I’m going to pay for it, anyway. So what’s the problem?

Oh, what will people think? Or, what, no-one will be able to ‘monitor’ me anymore??? I want my shot at independence, and this concept of going from the clutches of my father’s house to my marital home has never fared well with me.

I’m upset. I really wanted to be able to move out with as little bad blood as possible, but it’s looking like a pipe-dream. My sister said I should do it, the few friends I told said I should do it… I’ve prayed on it. What should I do? This won’t be waiting for me forever. I need to make a decision now. Put my foot down and alienate myself from my parents… or stay where I am and revel in trapped misery?

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9 thoughts on “Moving On?

  1. Lol.
    You want my opinion?
    I think your parents love you and just want what’s best for you.
    You’ll just have to talk to your Dad about your plans.
    Ask him to find a way to make it work.
    Maybe you get to come home during the weekends.
    Or He gets to visit you.
    In the end they’ll come round.
    Whatever you do dont make a scene!
    They just dont want to miss having their lovely daugher around.
    lol.

    Fifty bucks says when the time is right you’ll have the same reluctance having your daughter leave home, unless off course she just burnt your house, sold your car and wears a T-shirt with the words “Sexier than mum and proud of it” emblazoned in bright red..

    You draw? That’s nice. I do a bit of drawing. Sadly i got so carried away with caricatures i fear it;ll be a while before i return to real life sketches.
    I’m nuts for comic strips.
    Ever read Calvin and Hobbes?

    WHat;s this about leaving blogsville?
    Oh sod the template.
    Nobody pays much attention to it half the time.

    Take the last 3 minutes for example.
    You’ve been reading my comments…
    Not observing the scenery!

  2. I think whatever your parents said, they did so with openness of mind, caring and loving attitude, believing same will bring in proper nurture and nature!!

    It’s always about letting go. Of course, they always want you to remain their lil baby and stay close to them where they’ll make sure you’re ‘safe’ (relatively speaking)

    It’s not a step that should be taken with bad intentions or any kindof acrimony so nobody regrest later.

    try and cath them in their best moods, and poignantly state reasons why you have to move out. I think they’ll understand, after all! Cheers!!

  3. @carlang,
    thanks for the amusing comment. I’m not saying they don’t love me, I just don’t get what all the sudden attitude is for. I’m young, and it’ll be ages before I marry. I really don’t want to be there for another 4, 5 years!
    Also, I’m quite open-minded, as long as I know who my daughter’s staying with, why can’t she move out?
    Yeah, I love Calvin and hobbes. Also read Garfield.
    I’d love to see ur caricatures!

    @ugo daniels
    Just so u know, my mum WAS in a good mood. I haven’t even mentioned it to my dad cos he’s like 10x more difficult. If I don’t have her support, tough times beckon.
    You get me, I don’t want to ths with -ve attittudes.

  4. I’m guessing if i say one more time how much they love u you’ll scream your brains out. Check this out, barbie has moved out right? Your dad works far from home which leaves only u and ur mum at home so if u leave… Think she’s more scared of u leaving than of u getting mugged.

  5. Eji, nooo, my sis hasn’t moved out cos.. er, I have no idea. And actually, we all stay at this place in Anthony during the week. By all I mean, my dad, sis and I. But it’s tres small, and let’s just say, we’re in each othr’s hair too much. I’m still stalling. I think I’m scared of being told NO.

  6. Eeer ok, i feel sorry for ur mum as it is – its like the family home is Anthony and u guys go and see her during the weekends. Well anyway get used to it for now cus thats all u’re going to hear. NO NO NO NO NO! Just stick with it for now so as not to start any family feud (esp if ur dad agrees and ur mum still says no :-D)

  7. One of the greatest obstacles facing people of our generation is the fear of “facing” our parents. (Facing off with, more like it.)

    I’m 24 and I stay alone. Just got my freedom last year. What I actually did was to use my Dad’s words against him. (He once said he was 24 when he married my mum, and when he bought his first car.) So would he want me, at 24, to still live in his house? How would I find my level in life if at 24 I don’t pay rent, or jump buses, or know the real world?

    True, your parents are trying to protect you, but their protection would have a negative effect if they, and you, are not careful. You both have to come to a resolution, and everyone has to live with that resolution. No hard feelings or contrary agendas.

    Guess you have a tough time ahead. If moving is truly the best thing for you, then convince them. (My Dad is actually more old-fashioned than yours, I’m sure of it! But he says, “I listen to second opinion if only it is superior.” And we have the burden of making him see the light.) Can you?

    PS: Got you link on Nairaland. I’m actually a li’l bit like you: full-time web designer, full-time writer, full-time amateur photographer. I took up photography cos I couldn’t draw!

  8. what if momsie woke up one morning and goes ‘darling, its time to move out – go get your own place’, and you know you never did anything wrong, u’ve offended no body, and after asking her ‘whats the rush, why send me away’, she replies that ‘I want you to grow up, I want you to be independent, I want you to do this and that’…….what would you think or say. Won’t you think that your mom was uncool, bad, wicked, hating you etc?

    Parents are parents, even after you are married, they will continue to be parents.

    A perfect excuse out of home: get a job outside Lagos….

  9. I guess it’s different for you as a girl. Guys just wake up and walk out. But I still think you gotta do what you gotta do. The truth is that if you were to go head on , facts vs facts, their thoughtline would be superior to yours. The moment they mention Lagos – safety, anything can happen , they are justified. I guess if you feel it’s time to move on , you have to make them realise that it’s time to move on solely because you want to.
    Pls check out http://www.agbekoya.blogspot.com

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