Onyeka Takes on New Adventures Ep.1

Onyeka takes on Sunday Drivers

So I FINALLY made the bold and daring leap from depressed pedestrian to happy driver. You know… sort of. Sunday morning, I drove down from Agbara to Anthony. I would have gone straight to Bus’s house, but I got a severe fear of getting lost.

I know, years and years of bussing and I never really paid attention to the routes that MATTERED. Oddly though, I didn’t lose my way, until I was about to make my way to Bus’s place. On my way out of Anthony, I missed the exit that would have taken me towards to Third Mainland via Town Planning, and found myself headed down a straight and totally ‘un-Uturnable’ road to Oshodi and beyond. After about 5-7 minutes of fuel burning, I decided to stop and ask for directions. I thought it would be REALLY SILLY if I had to get all the way to Mile 2 just because I missed a turning. Luckily I escaped that embarrassing situation and got to Ikoyi some mins later where Bus and Viva decided to give the car a once-over. They even told their mum about my ‘amazing’ feat, at which point she double hi-five’d me.

Getting to Darkman’s house? Not so smooth. First of all, Bus and Viva misdirected me (they refused to admit this though) and instead of finding my self on the way back to Third Mainland, i somehow ended up on Osbourne. I recovered quickly and got as far as CMS… then I took another wrong turning somewhere, and found myself going the WRONG WAY on a one-way road. I asked at the beginning if it was 2-way, and trust Lagosians, they nodded enthusiastically. I was just lucky it was a Sunday, and no LASTMA was around. After that, I managed to hit someone (more like brushed him with my side mirror – but saying I hit him gives it a more dramatic effect), while driving through one of the narrowest and congested streets I’ve encountered so far. Balogun. THEN, I performed the 25-point turn when attempting to turn a narrow U-turn. At a point there were like 5 people just yelling instructions at me… Hmm, I think I may have scratched the car, but who knows? The finale was parking in his compound.

I told him quite truthfully after that next time, I’ll just park and take a bike there. Saying all this doesn’t mean I’m a bad driver… I’m just not very good. Not like Bus (she’s my vehicular HERO) who dares the twists and turns, crooks and crannies of Lagos… and manages to do it LAUGHING.

Onyeka takes on the Kerosene Stove

So due to an inflation in gas rates and just a general scarcity of all things gas, we have resorted in my house to perpetually using the Electric cooker. While not a bad way of cooking, is miserably slow, so when we need to cook something large like soup or stews, we use…. CHARCOAL!! Believe it.

At Anthony however, apparently we have now been sentenced to a kerosene stove. Last night my dad unwrapped some random Christmas gift he had abandoned somewhere, which was the stove and together we tried to solve the mystery that was assembling it. It went pretty well. My sister was an uncaring observer, and halfway through she disappeared into our room much to my dad’s irritation. It was very rickety, and nothing quite seemed to fit into anything, but after about 20 minutes, with about as much ceremony as the lighting of the Olympic torch, the little stove came to roaring life.

We did this outside because we’ve all heard too many exploding stove stories. I looked at it with boredom – I wanted to go to bed – but had to smile when I saw the happy triumph on my dad’s face. Fast forward to this morning. I had originally made a mental note to get up a few minutes earlier, so that I could boil water AND still have time to make my dad’s breakfast. Well, guess what, I didn’t.

First of all it took ages to light the stove, then AGES for the water to get hot (I had to have a hot bath, mehn, it was COLD). Then I had to do my dad’s grub. The pots were nice and black by the time I was done, so I had to scrub it off. Oh yay. Then I forgot that turning off the fire was not as easy as turning a knob. I didn’t realise that till I was about to go and I still saw a hint of flame. I did all this, plus have my bath, arrange my hair and dress up… in 30 minutes. Can someone give me a virtual high five for kicking domestic butt?? Anyone?!

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5 thoughts on “Onyeka Takes on New Adventures Ep.1

  1. A bad driver is putting it mildly. Correction of error, there’s no such thing as bad drivers. You get excellent drivers, and horrendous drivers (it appears you are the latter). But all is not lost, submit your drivers license to the relevant authorities and continue taking cabbies (you won’t regret it, you could save a life. Or in your case, lives).

    And because I’ve just painted myself as the big bad wolf today, I’ll give you that high five. Although, I’ll suggest using an electrical kettle next time. No gas required, and it’s more efficient, I promise

  2. Um… thanks for the hi 5, but let’s just get something straight for a minute! I’m not a BAD DRIVER!!! I’m just not VERY GOOD!

  3. chic.. not being very good is bad..
    but dont worry.. hopefully u’ll learn 2 drive like me in no time..u just ave 2 ave d guts.. so d question is: do u ave d guts, punk? lol
    fyi.. ur making me out 2 be a daredevil maniac u know…

  4. ok… i think i phrased this badly. Im not a BAD driver. I’m just not Grand prix material. Ok?

    and fyi Busola.
    u ARE a daredevil maniac. Heloo!

  5. High five on both conquering the kerosene stove n driving in lagos. I can’t imagine driving in lagos.

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