Gym Class Horrror

I think the title is very self-explanatory.

Onyeka went to the gym on Saturday and overdid it. That’s the long and short of this story. I blame myself. I was feeling like a star.

I didn’t even wake up with the intention of performing any form of physical activity. I literally screwed myself over. I crawled out of bed at about ten am, feeling good, and happy for the rest. I had no concrete plans for the day, so I decided later on in the afternoon I would head down to the office and finish up some work. I stepped out and saw my sis, and for SOME reason, I decided to do some skipping. After a minute of that I thought, why do this half-baked workout when there’s a gym down the road that’s basically pay-as-you-go?

So, I borrowed my sister’s trainers, threw on some Capri pants and a Virgin t-shirt and hopped over there with my iPod in my pocket. This was at 12 noon.

I got in, paid, and because I was there so late, the place was empty. One of the trainers came up to me and the receptionist told him I wanted a ‘workout’. He got me on the treadmill. I’ve been to the gym before, but never on the treadmill. I was actually hoping for the elliptical, because it meant less strain on my semi-rheumatic bones, but whatever. I was to be on it 20 mins he said. No probs. He gradually increased the speed and because I had no playlist on my ipod at the moment, decided to listen to the calming echoes of Enya. I pretty much jogged for 20 minutes. (*high five*) My heart was slightly achey, and I was sweating in places you wouldn’t believe, but the machine said I had burned 110 calories, and I felt GREAT.

I got off and felt a moment of dizziness. The trainer asked if I was okay, and I waved him off. On to the cycle-machine thigny! After a 2-minute break, I was cycling. Kept going, for about 10 minutes, and the trainer, who by this time was rather impressed with my ‘fitness’ level thought it would be a great idea to increase the resistance to the highest for the last 1 minute. I barely made it. I stood up and this time, the dizziness was unmistakeable. But I walked to the next machine and sat down.

That’s where it all hit rock-bottom. I suddenly felt a strange and highly unpleasant weakness, like someone had just drained all the blood from my arms and legs. You ever get that? Like if you sit somewhere uncomfortable for too long like the loo, and you get up? Well, to add to that drama, I suddenly felt like my stomach was about to heave. And all I could think about was when I watched this show on MTV called ‘Made’, where this highly overweight teen was being trained to be a cheerleader, and she went running for the first time in her life and threw up halfway through.

That thought did not help. I HATE throwing up, and have only done so once in the past 9 years. But I realised this condition was more than me and pleaded for the loo. I got there and… heaved. And heaved. And heaved. I hadn’t eaten in over 12 hours, and my body had nothing to throw up. The trainer was stunned. I felt stupid. I couldn’t have gotten so horribly unfit, could I?

Feeling better, I went back out, and insisted that I would continue, dammit. He was doubtful, but I wanted to prove I wasn’t a wuss. No such luck. After three stomach exercises, I went weak again. I sat down and tried to find my bearings. I couldn’t heave again. But I did.
(*Gross story alert*)

But this time, my body was hell bent on throwing SOMETHING up. I think I threw up stomach juices. All I knew was that it was BITTER and GREENISH. And this time, I said, screw it, I’m not going to throw up my intestines for a workout. The trainer was apologising, saying he shouldn’t have pushed me so hard on the cycle thingy. Iwas just nodding weakly, like yeah, whatever. I sat under the ac for a bit, and got up, drenched (the guy had oured water on me while I was heaving) and tired.

Somehow I made it home, had a cold bath and made some lunch before passing out for three hours. Needless to say, as of this morning I ache all over. But am I discouraged? Heck no! I’m going back next week!

The drama continues…

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16 thoughts on “Gym Class Horrror

  1. Was this your first time at the gym in a long time?
    Damn! You over did it, didnt you?

    Strange that I’m just stumbling unto your site for the first time.
    I’m stuck.
    I like your style.
    + I can relate to most of what you blog about.

  2. LOL!! Sorry, but it was kinda funny. Which kind of yeye trainer is that one? Could he not see that u weren’t okay regardless of what u said? Besides, i think he should have asked u questions to at least try to gauge ur fitness level.

    Reminds me of my sister who went and ran a 9mile race last weekend without training for it. She didn’t even stretch b4 the race. For the next 2days she couldn’t get out of bed and she ended up getting a deep tissue massage b4 she felt like a human being again.

    Pele. Take it easy. Besides the best way to burn fat is low intensity and longer duration work outs. You don’t have to feel like u are about to die to burn fat.

  3. I can’t believe the so called trainer didn’t ask you anything to establish your level of fitness before ordering you to do 20 mins on the treadmill! No wonder he was drenching you with water after you had your episode. God forbid, but someone could have had a history of heart disease for example. Shocking!!!

  4. Hahahahahahaha! I almost (wipe tear)split my side while reading this. You’re just priceless girl – MADE, that was funny. Aaah God knows its things like this that make me miss you even more.

  5. lol…I am actually laughing as well…Had an episode like that last yr, not been to the gym since then…I justify it by saying I am a benue girl and meant to be curvy…lol

  6. @all
    you ppl are all cruel and unusual!!!

    @tobenna
    yeah, it was my first time in a VERY long time…
    and thanks for dropping by!

    @xena.
    my thoughts exactly

    @sting
    to be fair on the trainer, I think i gave off the impression that I was fit(ish).
    Ironically I didnt feel like I was about to die. Well, at least not until I felt like throwing up…

    @undacovasista
    yeah, i guess you’re right… but he thought i was overreacting with the throwing up thing. Which, if he knew me, is TOTALLY IMPOSSIBLE. I never throw up for no reason.

    @eji
    i was almost passing out!!! and you’re amused….?!?!?

    Ah I guess it IS another funny story for my grandkids…

    @afrobabe
    dont let that put you off, i found its just cos I pushed myself too hard… once you make working out a habit, it doesnt (shouldnt) happen again.
    Or you could just stay curvy. That works too.

    @aloofar.
    you’re just evil.

  7. Girl i think you pushed urself too hard.Its supposed to be slow and steady with exercise . Plzzz dont do too much next time o!

  8. LOL!
    Gross babe!
    You want do commando style abi?
    Okay sorry but next time abeg just settle for aerobics.

  9. ROFLMAO.You do know you’ll be paying for overdoing it for the better part of a week,right?

    Take am easy sha,exercise no be by force oh!

  10. Hm, okay, it seems as if you guys are reading this wrong. I didn’t do anything extraordinary, it was just dramatic because i hadnt done something like that in such a long time. Trust me, most of the time, I’m the advocate for quitting while im ahead.

  11. ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!you shouldnt have pushed urself to do more…who cleaned the puke!den gove you mop to clean am?lol

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