Yeah, so I went back on my pinky swear. I suck. Whatevs.
They never told us about this. It’s THEIR fault, darned older folks!
Ok… Maybe they did. But they didn’t say it SERIOUSLY enough. They said it in jest, and at the wrongest times, like when we weren’t paying enough attention, or listening, or when our minds were more occupied with getting the thing we asked for.
They never said that every other hour would be punctuated by a thought about money, or how much money you don’t have, or how much money you’re owing/being owed, or how much money you need to save to get commodity A or B.
Our parents DECEIVED us, I tell you. They never gave the ‘when you’re older you’ll realize how hard it is to get money’ with enough URGENCY and EMERGENCY. If they had, maybe I won’t be sinking into near hysteria right now. I would have cultivated the art of meditation and ‘woosah’-ing ahead of time, so when I did encounter these financial mishaps, I would channel my inner whatchucallit and taken all this better.
Okay, maybe I’m overstating it a bit. But really, I’m sick of thinking about money. And I’m barely starting my 20-ies. Yes, you can say it, I’m screwed. It’s all my fault, I should have taken my time in school, and postponed all this maturity business for a more convenient time.
My jalopy, drinking money like it was fuel, my upkeep i.e. groceries, clothes, and what-have you, the future, school… Sigh.
I’m not obsessed. God knows, if I had my way, I would just slot my ATM card anywhere I could and pay for whatever, whenever. But I can’t because I’m not crazy. I’ve got to be all quasi-organized and have lots of lists and plans and long-term, short-term goals that are driving me crazy because they’re not working.
Maybe I should follow the tide and get a filthy rich boyfriend. Or not.
There’s nothing more ridiculous/depressing than perpetually counting down till pay-day I tell you. And somehow, something tells me I won’t improve much if I had a higher paying job.
Basically, this has been a bad month for me in terms of money. My car has gone to the shop TWICE; its most recent trip is apparently going to set me back by 25 large. My rather expensive phone got stolen, and I simply can’t afford to get anything else, so I’m stuck using this crap, tired 3210 that has no ‘3’ button (texting is a trick I tell you), I knocked over a careless okada guy and had to placate him and the passenger with a few hundreds, a loan I applied for was never approved ( I think they actually lost the application, but I can’t kill myself), I renewed my internet subscription just to find the service was crap all last weekend, while my car was at the shop, someone stole my shoes (believe it or not) and 1500 bucks I had forgotten in the pigeon hole. The second part was carelessness on my part, so I couldn’t even tell my mum. Add to that the fact that for the first time this year, I’m broke before payday, you can imagine my agitation.
I’ve been out of it blog-wise, primarily because there are only a few things on my mind, one of them is what I lamented about above, the rest, I don’t think are internet-worthy. For now.
So, much as I hate to say it, I might not be as frequent a blogger as I used to be. I think I’ve done all the complaining I can do for a while, but who knows. Maybe the spirit will hit me. I dunno. Just don’t be surprised if there are post-droughts.
It’s going to get better, I guess. God will provide.