Maybe I Should Become a Lesbian…

Yes, i SAID it.

So, as far things go. Darkman is NO MORE.

Bus and I were chatting this morning, and we came to the same conclusion: Guys can be wastes of emotional energy. They make great friends… but the instance it becomes anything more than that… DRAMA, DRAMA, DRAMA.

As for what happened between me and the fella? Too much. Just take it like that. Let me put it this way, I can handle annoying bosses, financial challenges, irritating colleagues/classmates/roommates, dysfunctional laptops etc, because they’re a necessary part of my life.

Annoying boyfriend who just doesn’t get it? I can do without that. Yeah… I don’t see why chicks kill themselves over being single. I mean, I realised this week that I didn’t spend as much on credit, I had more free time, I didn’t have to update with anyone at the end of the day, and I had nothing on my mind but the important stuff. It’s great.

And here’s a tip to you guys out there: We REALLY don’t want to hear that much about your ex. No matter what we say. I don’t care if she was the cooking, cleaning, submissive 9th wonder of the world. If she was so perfect, you should have stayed with her.

This post is already too long. Damn. I wanted it to be short and mysterious… Ah well.


All Ye Females : Why Do We Give Them More to feel Important About?

I admit, I was expecting the guys to have more to say in their defence. To be able to argue for their existence. Ah well. Guess not. I see I’ve been accused of generalizing, but no one could ever NOT say that what I was saying didn’t apply. I’m not stereotyping, I’m talking from experience. Even the nicest guys have that weakness. I’m not saying they’re bad people. They’re just… not totally useful. 🙂

Anyway, returning from partially good weekend, 4 more days of work to endure… I bring to the world my next provocative question:

What’s that about? Why do people tend to act like a guy is the only tangible accomplishment we can ever make? And why do we encourage it?

Disclaimer: Now, before you think I’m going on some man-hating, feminist rant, let me get one thing straight. I don’t hate guys; most of my greatest friends are guys. In terms of attitudes they’re more laidback than chicks, and make better friends (when they aren’t trying to get you in the sack).They make good playthings too. But when it all comes down to it, I don’t see their point. Also, everything I write here is based on my theories and observations and no-one else’s, so none of that ‘prove it’ stuff.

And don’t act like you don’t. God knows, on a daily basis, we’re constantly being nagged and reminded of how we belong in a kitchen, warming some guy’s bed, or becoming a baby-vending machine is the main point of our existence and if you’re single, whether you’re 18 or 28, you tend to get looks like you said you’re … a 50 yr old spinster with only cats for company.

If I had 50 bucks for each time since I graduated that I’ve been asked when I’m getting married, I’d have enough to go for master’s (ok, maybe not, maybe I’ll just be able to buy a new laptop) which oddly enough, no-one outside my age group hasn’t asked about.

I read through a couple of blogs today and some of them spoke my mind. One time in school, a classmate made a sort-of derogatory comment to me because I didn’t have a boyfriend, ‘Don’t mind her, she’s just being that way because she didn’t answer all the guys when they were coming up to her, and now it’s too late.’
Shio. By too late, she was referring to the fact that I was 19, in 400 level and as far as she was concerned, an old maid. All this cos I didn’t read someone’s valentine message in a ‘romantic’ manner. Okkaayyyy…

All the harassment however, just made me more determined not to care. Because quite frankly, I’ve seen one too many chicks lose their minds over their lack of a guy. Here are a few typical complaints:

1. Oh, how I wish I had a guy to buy me…
2. Oh, woes me, I need a guy to be driving me to..
3. Oh, why don’t I have a guy to take me out?
4. Oh, I wish a guy to snog…
5. Oh, my life is a shamble, I wish I had a guy to Val me…
6. I need money. I need a guy in my life.

WHAT?! I hardly hear a sensible whine, like, needing a guy for companionship purposes… I could even FORGIVE the snog part. But waiting for the dark knight that’ll come along in his shiny new BMW with a fat wallet and a thick head is ATROCIOUS. Why can’t you go out on your own? Why can’t you go out, and make your own money? Woman, WhY OH WHY do you need to have a Val’s gift???

Guys, unfortunately, know this. They know that 8 out of 10 girls are so obsessed with what a guy can do for them that they begin to feel important. They know that come a few years, no-one’s gonna tell them they’re getting too old to marry. Which once again, brings me to the whole guy coming up and thinking they can impress you with their accomplishments. A guy I thought was kinda cute (I think I was sleepy at the time) on camp, got to talking with me, and then he felt it necessary to tell me about his ‘business’ and how he would have made his first million in a couple of weeks. I couldn’t resist rolling my eyes.The arrogance of it all. Another annoying one is where a guy I was actually kinda close to was throwing himself at me and acting like he was doing me a favour because I didn’t have a guy in my life. The nerve. I forgave him for his momentary foolishness.

Anyway, that said. I’m not generalizing. But there are just men out there who know all they need to do is flash and there’ll be those chicks that’ll kill themselves with greed. Let’s stop making these boys feel important, shall we? I know working-class ladies that will rather squander their salaries on expensive clothes and make-up, and wait for a guy to buy the important stuff. Stop being so shallow. Let’s try to be independent for a bit… just a bit. Try.

All Ye Males – What R U Good For? REALLY?

This might seem to be an odd post from me, considering as I’m newly attached and loving it. But lately though, due to excessive thinking and brooding over certain issues, as well as reading a few things here and there, I have to ask:

What’s the point of guys? Really?

Disclaimer: Now, before you think I’m going on some man-hating, feminist rant, let me get one thing straight. I don’t hate guys; most of my greatest friends are guys. In terms of attitudes they’re more laid back than chicks, and make better friends (when they aren’t trying to get you in the sack).They make good playthings too. But when it all comes down to it, I don’t see their point. Also, everything I write here is based on my theories and observations and no-one else’s, so none of that ‘prove it’ stuff. I’m on a roll here, bear with me.

As Bus asked the other day, beyond the whole ‘populating the earth’ thing, what function do they serve? Most guys – despite the whole ‘macho’, opening the tight jar of whatever, and the biceps – are really just big babies with raging hormones. No offense. Look at it. Practically every guy grows in life craving two things:

Sex and food. And sports to kill the time between getting the sex and eating the food.

I dare any guy to deny it. And don’t even mention money. Money is a means to an end. More money buys more food, gets more girls, buys bigger tvs to watch sports and soothes their fragile egos. Because men like to brag. I can’t describe my irritation for a guy who comes up to me and expects me to care that they just bought a new jeep.

Men, on the other hand, especially Nigerian men, tend to act like they’re well and totally useless without a chick. Oh, can’t wait to marry so I’ll have dinner… oh, can’t wait to get a girl that will help me tidy this place… Oh can’t wait for a girl to this and that…

What? For all the stronger sex crap we have to put up with, you can’t get off your lazy butt and make dinner? Are your hands psychologically tuned to NOT know how to work a spoon unless it’s carrying something TOWARDS your mouth? Is there some magical, complex equation involved in boiling… say, rice? Is there some superstition I don’t know about where you innards shrivel up and die if you make an effort to tidy your room?

I’m quite sure there isn’t. But let me not generalize. I’ll instead blame our society and the upbringing that lets males believe they never really have to make an effort to do anything when there’s a female present.

Yes. I’m going to be a shock to my eventual husband.

But anyway, I digress. Males also tend to act like they’ll suddenly start sprouting sores and lesions if they go say, a week without getting laid. Maybe it’s a young-ish guy thing. Maybe not. Let’s face it. It’s scientifically proven. NOTHING will happen if you don’t have sex for even a YEAR. So let’s stop all this junkie-like obsession, shall we?

Moving on though. What do we as females, need them for? REALLY? Beyond the whole procreation thing? Not much really. I mean, for the really shallow/dependent/old-fashioned types, there’s that whole ‘security’ hoopla: “Oh, a guy would provide me with financial/emotional/physical security”.

Not these days, princess. These days when women work and make great pay, it irks me to hear SUCH women making such comments. Or even the WINNER: I can’t buy *insert pricey but long-wanted item here* with my own money, I’ll tell my boyfriend to buy it for me.


If there were no men, we’d technically have fewer armed robbers, rapists and murderers (see where I’m going here?). So TECHNICALLY, the whole physical security thing would be immaterial. Besides, as they’re here now, I’m not strolling out on the streets at 10pm. And don’t even get me started on the emotional security thing. Can someone say ‘No more drama’?

So…What do we need them for??? What??? Assuming, there were no guys, and there was some Last Man on Planet Earth stuff going on… I think we’d do just nicely. No football, no ‘ball’ anything, no mindless love triangles, no emotional heartbreak… Please, feel free to prove me wrong.

*Taking deep breath* We don’t need them as much we’re being made to believe we do. Which brings to me the topic of the next post and 2nd part of the 3-part study on ye males: Why Do We Give Guys More to feel Important About?

P.S. Guys, you know it’s all love.